Posts Tagged With: animals
Penny and Stu Visit the Jersey Shore
Penny and Stu Catch A Train
Penny and Stu rode their bikes from their home in Brooklyn to Grand Central Terminal, hoping to get a train out of the city. They weren’t used to the 90 degree-plus heat that was baking the sidewalks. And the piles of trash smelled like every seafood restaurant in the city finally decided to throw away the bad shrimp they’d been saving for a year.
Luckily, they were able to board the 12:37 to Connecticut.
“I hear that you can bring extra large beers on these trains,” said Stu. “They call them tall boys. You put them in brown paper bags, roll down the top and just drink from there.”
“I refuse to drink anything called a “tall boy”” said Penny. “Until they serve Balvenie 18-year, the only single malt I enjoy, I’m going to continue with this bottle of Avian and let you chug out of paper bags. Would you like some glue to huff as well?”
They hopped on the train; Stu with a Miller Lite tall boy and Penny with a bottle of Avian. Their curious adventures continued…
Penny and Stu Visit the Chrysler Building
Penny and Stu Get a Job at GNC (aka Penny and Stu Get Fired from GNC)
“You can’t recommend baby seals as a healthy source of protein!” the GNC manager yelled at Arctic Stu.
Stu and Colonel Penny Loafer had only been at the job for a few hours when the manager, Kevin, realized that his new hires weren’t going to last.
“And you! Sergeant Penny.” Kevin was fuming.
“It’s Colonel, I’ll have you know! I didn’t spend three years at the Polar Training Academy on South Georgia Island to be called Sergeant.”
“You drank all of my fish oil and told a woman to sprinkle krill on her dinner tonight if she hoped to pack on the pounds for winter!”
“I said, “L.B.”s.”
“You’re both fired!” Kevin flung open the door and kicked Penny and Stu out of the store. They were once again jobless. They went back to the midtown streets and the adventure continued.
The Search for Higher Ground
“DOES THAT TICK YOU OFF?” Stu asked Penny as they stood atop a West Village roof and watched a flock of geese fly overhead.
“Does what tick me off?”
“You know, that you can’t fly?”
“Oh brother,” Penny said. “How many times do we have to go over this?”
“Until you can fly.”
“Not all birds fly, Stu. There are flightless cormorants, ostriches, emus…there’s even a flightless bird in New Guinea called a cassowary. Strange fellow.”
“You’re like a basketball player who can’t dunk,” Stu said. “You’re the John Stockton of the bird community. He could pass and shoot for days, but when it came down to it, everyone just wanted to see him throw one down every once in a while.”
Penny walked to the other side of the building so he could look out over midtown. He’d never been this high up before. Maybe if he caught the wind just right he could fly down to the streets below. Maybe he could become a legend. The first flying penguin. Certainly the first in New York City.
Stu, saw Penny standing on the ledge and knew what he was thinking.
“You’re not going to dunk today, Colonel.”
So they hopped on the elevator and returned to the streets, safetly, ready for their next adventure.
Penny and Stu Go to Court!
WHEN Arctic Stu opened the mail to find two Court of New York jury summons notices for he and Colonel Penny Loafer he was dumbfounded.
“Jury duty? Are you freaking kidding me?”
“I”ve heard stories of this jury duty situation,” said Penny. “Absolutely dreadful.”
The day came and the duo arrived at the jurors room on Centre Street to be screened to serve. They went through security quickly, having no bags, jackets, or even clothes in which to conceal, well, anything but Stu’s iPhone, which he held in his paw.
In a steril and undecorated jurer’s room, Penny and Stu sat in silence as people from all walks of life shuffled in. An outdated movie showing medieval witches being drowned and Robin Hood-looking thieves having their hands boiled played, eventually changing the focus to more civilized modern day courtrooms.
“If this is an attempt to make this court system seem like a breath of fresh air, it’s sure working,” Penny said.
“It’s crap.” said Arctic Stu as he Tweeted “This sucks!!! #juryduty” on his phone.
After a few more minutes of silent anguish a court officer stood up and explained what everyone needed to do: Tear this form, sign this form, yadda yadda. “Is everyone here a US citizen?” he asked.
When Colonel Penny Loafer shared his situation the man was astounded. “Yous are from where?”
“Well, good sir, I am from a land of rock and snow called Antarctica and my good chap Stu over here is from the Arctic circle. A speck of a place called Svalbard.”
“It’s a pretty sweet place,” Stu added.
Incensed, the man told them to go to another building, where they would have to show Greencards. Of course neither Penny nor Stu had one. They had both come to the city on stray ice flows.
Afraid of being found out, they rushed out of the courtroom and hit the streets. Penny suspected that a man with an earpiece was following them so they dashed on the 4 train and sought the protection of Brooklyn.
There they were, a polar bear and a penguin without Greencards, evading the court system of New York City. Surely this would lead to more adventures. But first they had to get a burger at Junior’s.