Posts Tagged With: polar bears

Penny and Stu Steal a Schooner

Penny and Stu were quick to hatch a plan after they hopped aboard a three masted schooner at the Mystic Seaport Museum.

“What do you bribe a crew with?  Gold bullion?” Arctic Stu asked Penny.  “We can’t sail this ship by ourselves.”

“From the looks of this lot I would say they’d flip on their own father for a glazed donut.  Don’t worry about it.”

Penny and Stu climbed up on the forward deck and peered down at the people milling around the vessel.

“Ladies and Gentlemen!” Penny called out.  “I am Colonel Penny Loafer of South Georgia Island, this is my second in command, Stu, and under the order of the highest Emperor of Penguins, we are officially taking over this vessel.”  Instantly, a large woman with a fanny pack and jean shorts jumped overboard, hitting the water with a great splash.

Penny was quick to bark instructions at his newly consripted crew.  “You, holding the child on a leash, ready the mainsail!  You, with the “Ithaca is Gorges” t-shirt, climb to the crow’s nest!  And put on a different t-shirt!”

Penny was about to command his next crewmember when another voice broke the silence.

“What is going on here???” The question came from a man with a white beard and captain’s hat yelled.  His nametag read, “Cap’n Steve.”

“Good sir,” Penny responded.  “I am Colonel Penny Loafer of South Georgia Island, this is Stu, and we are commandeering this vessel.  I’ll ask you to kindly retire to your quarters. We’ll take it from here.”

The man laughed a big belly laugh.  “I’m sorry,” he said, “you two are misinformed.  This here is a museum vessel.  It doesn’t go anywhere!”

“Fiddle sticks, you daft excuse for a Captain!” Penny retorted. “Stu!  Undo the lines!  Ready the mainsail!”

“This ship doesn’t even have a rudder,” the man said.  “It’s just for show.  And I’m not a captain.  I’m a “Cap’n”.  Just Steve, really.  I teach history at the middle school. ”  Steve took Penny and Stu to the pilot room where they saw that the ship’s wheel was bolted tight so that little kids couldn’t spin it incessantly.

Soon, two elderly women from museum security walked gingerly onboard and took Penny and Stu to the exit.  Realizing that their plan to sail home for free had all been in vein, they left without a fight.

“That was our shot, Stu.”

“Whatever, man.  Just pound a Red Bull and let’s go.”

And the two left Mystic, Connecticut in search of their next curious adventure…

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Penny and Stu Cross the Brooklyn Bridge

After their harrowing experience with the stolen bicycle Penny and Stu decided that walking, not riding, the streets of New York was probably their best bet. But the streets were getting boring.  They felt closed in.  Too many commuters, too many cars and too many tourists.  Oh, the tourists.  “If one more tourist asks me which way is Uptown I’m going to vomit all over their fanny pack,” Stu told Penny.

brooklyn bridge, polar bear, penguin

Penny and Stu set off to cross all 5,989 feet of the Brooklyn Bridge.  Despite it being February 2nd the air was warm, maybe a function of the same global warming that cast off the ice flows that brought both Penny and Stu to New York City in the first place.  While Penny took in the view, Stu dreamed of speed. “I told you we should have kept that bike!” Stu told Penny.  “We’re getting smoked!”

Penny stopped midway to read about the history of the bridge and New York Harbor.  Stu hocked loogies over the side.

brooklyn bridge, penguin

By the time they reached the other side of the bridge they couldn’t help but bask in the high that comes from crossing such an iconic structure. They took it all in.

brooklyn bridge, penguin, polar bear, bicycle, new york city

“Wait!  Do we have to go all the way back?” Stu asked.

“I say we keep going, my good chap.  See what we can find in the great beyond.”

And their adventure continued…

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Arctic Stu’s First Temp Job

No one has it easy in New York City.  Unless you’re a Kardashian or a Central Park squirrel you have to work for every scrap.  As a polar bear cub, Arctic Stu was really having a tough time.  Rent was piling up and he was tired of Colonel Penny Loafer yapping about how he was carrying the penguin’s share of the responsibilities in their new environment.  Desperate, Arctic Stu went to a temp agency.

He should have known that something was array when the agent winked and said she had the perfect fit for him in the medical offices of Lest Yethink Wecare.

They already had a polar bear working there!  A big one!  This temp agent clearly didn’t know how territorial some polar bears are and Derrick was no exception. Arctic Stu was settling into his cubicle when the attack came from above. Derrick pounced on Arctic Stu and had him on the ground before Arctic Stu could call his secretary for help.

Stu struggled but in a miraculous twist of fate, Derrick slipped on a pile of papers and landed flat on his back.

Stu quickly scampered away and when he was a safe distance from Derrick, posted a scathing review of the temp agency on his Facebook wall followed by seven sad face emoticons.  Hours later his friends saw that he checked into McSorleys Ale House on his FourSquare account.  This wasn’t the first challenge in Arctic Stu’s adventures, and it certainly wouldn’t be his last.

“Maybe I’ll try retail…”

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