Posts Tagged With: photos

Penny and Stu Catch A Train

Penny and Stu rode their bikes from their home in Brooklyn to Grand Central Terminal, hoping to get a train out of the city.  They weren’t used to the 90 degree-plus heat that was baking the sidewalks.  And the piles of trash smelled like every seafood restaurant in the city finally decided to throw away the bad shrimp they’d been saving for a year.

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Luckily, they were able to board the 12:37 to Connecticut.

grand central terminal, animals, polar bear, penguin, new york city

“I hear that you can bring extra large beers on these trains,” said Stu.  “They call them tall boys.  You put them in brown paper bags, roll down the top and just drink from there.”

“I refuse to drink anything called a “tall boy”” said Penny.  “Until they serve Balvenie 18-year, the only single malt I enjoy, I’m going to continue with this bottle of Avian and let you chug out of paper bags.  Would you like some glue to huff as well?”

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They hopped on the train; Stu with a Miller Lite tall boy and Penny with a bottle of Avian.  Their curious adventures continued…

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The Search for Higher Ground

“DOES THAT TICK YOU OFF?” Stu asked Penny as they stood atop a West Village roof and watched a flock of geese fly overhead.

“Does what tick me off?”

“You know, that you can’t fly?”

“Oh brother,” Penny said.  “How many times do we have to go over this?”

“Until you can fly.”

“Not all birds fly, Stu.  There are flightless cormorants, ostriches, emus…there’s even a flightless bird in New Guinea called a cassowary. Strange fellow.”

“You’re like a basketball player who can’t dunk,” Stu said.  “You’re the John Stockton of the bird community.  He could pass and shoot for days, but when it came down to it, everyone just wanted to see him throw one down every once in a while.”

Penny walked to the other side of the building so he could look out over midtown.  He’d never been this high up before.  Maybe if he caught the wind just right he could fly down to the streets below.  Maybe he could become a legend.  The first flying penguin.  Certainly the first in New York City.

Stu, saw Penny standing on the ledge and knew what he was thinking.

“You’re not going to dunk today, Colonel.”

So they hopped on the elevator and returned to the streets, safetly, ready for their next adventure.

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Penny and Stu Trek Across Flatiron

 

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Penny and Stu Watch the Giants Win the Super Bowl!

“Two feet!  Two feet!  He was in!!!”

giants, super bowl, champions, game, penguin, polar bear

“Oh it’s on!”

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Penny and Stu Cross the Brooklyn Bridge

After their harrowing experience with the stolen bicycle Penny and Stu decided that walking, not riding, the streets of New York was probably their best bet. But the streets were getting boring.  They felt closed in.  Too many commuters, too many cars and too many tourists.  Oh, the tourists.  “If one more tourist asks me which way is Uptown I’m going to vomit all over their fanny pack,” Stu told Penny.

brooklyn bridge, polar bear, penguin

Penny and Stu set off to cross all 5,989 feet of the Brooklyn Bridge.  Despite it being February 2nd the air was warm, maybe a function of the same global warming that cast off the ice flows that brought both Penny and Stu to New York City in the first place.  While Penny took in the view, Stu dreamed of speed. “I told you we should have kept that bike!” Stu told Penny.  “We’re getting smoked!”

Penny stopped midway to read about the history of the bridge and New York Harbor.  Stu hocked loogies over the side.

brooklyn bridge, penguin

By the time they reached the other side of the bridge they couldn’t help but bask in the high that comes from crossing such an iconic structure. They took it all in.

brooklyn bridge, penguin, polar bear, bicycle, new york city

“Wait!  Do we have to go all the way back?” Stu asked.

“I say we keep going, my good chap.  See what we can find in the great beyond.”

And their adventure continued…

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Penny and Stu Steal a Bike

“I’M TELLING YOU, you have to have a bike in this city,” Stu told Penny one day while playing Tony Hawk’s Shred on Xbox.

“I’d rather have a town car and a driver,” Penny said.  “And do you always have to do that left side fakie ollie?  It’s so rote.”

“I’ll do it until you come and steal a bike with me.”

And so Penny and Stu left their  Lower East Side apartment, Stu with a pair of bolt cutters he’d borrowed from the super.  Penny kept watch as Stu went to work on the chain.  Within seconds the bike was free and now Penny and Stu had to make a decision.  Where were they going to go?  The answer: everywhere.

When the coast was clear they hopped on the pedals and got the bike to move.  Although they didn’t have very good control of the bike, Penny and Stu ripped down Broadway.  They wove in and out of traffic, slowing only when Stu saw a man pushing a Shih-Tzu in a stroller.

“You’re the animal, dude!  That’s degrading!” he yelled.

They hadn’t gone very far when out of nowhere a Dominican woman selling empanadas cut in front of the bike with her cart.  Penny and Stu slammed on the breaks but it was too late, they hit the side of the cart and were flung onto the sidewalk.

The woman felt so badly that she hadn’t seen the bike coming that she gave Penny and Stu each an empanada of their choice.  Stu grasped for the beef while Penny took a spinach and a fist-full of napkins.  As they ate their empanadas Penny told Stu that he didn’t think is was very prudent for the two of them to steal bicycles any more.  Stu thought about it for a second, then turned to the Dominican woman and said, “Uno mas, por favor!”

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Penny and Stu Go to Court!

WHEN Arctic Stu opened the mail to find two Court of New York jury summons notices for he and Colonel Penny Loafer he was dumbfounded.

“Jury duty? Are you freaking kidding me?”

“I”ve heard stories of this jury duty situation,” said Penny.  “Absolutely dreadful.”

The day came and the duo arrived at the jurors room on Centre Street to be screened to serve.  They went through security quickly, having no bags, jackets, or even clothes in which to conceal, well, anything but Stu’s iPhone, which he held in his paw.

In a steril and undecorated jurer’s room, Penny and Stu sat in silence as people from all walks of life shuffled in.  An outdated movie showing medieval witches being drowned and Robin Hood-looking thieves having their hands boiled played, eventually changing the  focus to more civilized modern day courtrooms.

“If this is an attempt to make this court system seem like a breath of fresh air, it’s sure working,” Penny said.

“It’s crap.” said Arctic Stu as he Tweeted “This sucks!!! #juryduty” on his phone.

After a few more minutes of silent anguish a court officer stood up and explained what everyone needed to do: Tear this form, sign this form, yadda yadda.  “Is everyone here a US citizen?” he asked.

When Colonel Penny Loafer shared his situation the man was astounded. “Yous are from where?”

“Well, good sir, I am from a land of rock and snow called Antarctica and my good chap Stu over here is from the Arctic circle. A speck of a place called Svalbard.”

“It’s a pretty sweet place,” Stu added.

Incensed, the man told them to go to another building, where they would have to show Greencards. Of course neither Penny nor Stu had one.  They had both come to the city on stray ice flows.

Afraid of being found out, they rushed out of the courtroom and hit the streets.  Penny suspected that a man with an earpiece was following them so they dashed on the 4 train and sought the protection of Brooklyn.

There they were, a polar bear and a penguin without Greencards, evading the court system of New York City. Surely this would lead to more adventures. But first they had to get a burger at Junior’s.

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Arctic Stu’s First Temp Job

No one has it easy in New York City.  Unless you’re a Kardashian or a Central Park squirrel you have to work for every scrap.  As a polar bear cub, Arctic Stu was really having a tough time.  Rent was piling up and he was tired of Colonel Penny Loafer yapping about how he was carrying the penguin’s share of the responsibilities in their new environment.  Desperate, Arctic Stu went to a temp agency.

He should have known that something was array when the agent winked and said she had the perfect fit for him in the medical offices of Lest Yethink Wecare.

They already had a polar bear working there!  A big one!  This temp agent clearly didn’t know how territorial some polar bears are and Derrick was no exception. Arctic Stu was settling into his cubicle when the attack came from above. Derrick pounced on Arctic Stu and had him on the ground before Arctic Stu could call his secretary for help.

Stu struggled but in a miraculous twist of fate, Derrick slipped on a pile of papers and landed flat on his back.

Stu quickly scampered away and when he was a safe distance from Derrick, posted a scathing review of the temp agency on his Facebook wall followed by seven sad face emoticons.  Hours later his friends saw that he checked into McSorleys Ale House on his FourSquare account.  This wasn’t the first challenge in Arctic Stu’s adventures, and it certainly wouldn’t be his last.

“Maybe I’ll try retail…”

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