WHEN Arctic Stu opened the mail to find two Court of New York jury summons notices for he and Colonel Penny Loafer he was dumbfounded.
“Jury duty? Are you freaking kidding me?”
“I”ve heard stories of this jury duty situation,” said Penny. “Absolutely dreadful.”
The day came and the duo arrived at the jurors room on Centre Street to be screened to serve. They went through security quickly, having no bags, jackets, or even clothes in which to conceal, well, anything but Stu’s iPhone, which he held in his paw.
In a steril and undecorated jurer’s room, Penny and Stu sat in silence as people from all walks of life shuffled in. An outdated movie showing medieval witches being drowned and Robin Hood-looking thieves having their hands boiled played, eventually changing the focus to more civilized modern day courtrooms.
“If this is an attempt to make this court system seem like a breath of fresh air, it’s sure working,” Penny said.
“It’s crap.” said Arctic Stu as he Tweeted “This sucks!!! #juryduty” on his phone.
After a few more minutes of silent anguish a court officer stood up and explained what everyone needed to do: Tear this form, sign this form, yadda yadda. “Is everyone here a US citizen?” he asked.
When Colonel Penny Loafer shared his situation the man was astounded. “Yous are from where?”
“Well, good sir, I am from a land of rock and snow called Antarctica and my good chap Stu over here is from the Arctic circle. A speck of a place called Svalbard.”
“It’s a pretty sweet place,” Stu added.
Incensed, the man told them to go to another building, where they would have to show Greencards. Of course neither Penny nor Stu had one. They had both come to the city on stray ice flows.
Afraid of being found out, they rushed out of the courtroom and hit the streets. Penny suspected that a man with an earpiece was following them so they dashed on the 4 train and sought the protection of Brooklyn.
There they were, a polar bear and a penguin without Greencards, evading the court system of New York City. Surely this would lead to more adventures. But first they had to get a burger at Junior’s.