Penny and Stu Steal a Schooner

Penny and Stu were quick to hatch a plan after they hopped aboard a three masted schooner at the Mystic Seaport Museum.

“What do you bribe a crew with?  Gold bullion?” Arctic Stu asked Penny.  “We can’t sail this ship by ourselves.”

“From the looks of this lot I would say they’d flip on their own father for a glazed donut.  Don’t worry about it.”

Penny and Stu climbed up on the forward deck and peered down at the people milling around the vessel.

“Ladies and Gentlemen!” Penny called out.  “I am Colonel Penny Loafer of South Georgia Island, this is my second in command, Stu, and under the order of the highest Emperor of Penguins, we are officially taking over this vessel.”  Instantly, a large woman with a fanny pack and jean shorts jumped overboard, hitting the water with a great splash.

Penny was quick to bark instructions at his newly consripted crew.  “You, holding the child on a leash, ready the mainsail!  You, with the “Ithaca is Gorges” t-shirt, climb to the crow’s nest!  And put on a different t-shirt!”

Penny was about to command his next crewmember when another voice broke the silence.

“What is going on here???” The question came from a man with a white beard and captain’s hat yelled.  His nametag read, “Cap’n Steve.”

“Good sir,” Penny responded.  “I am Colonel Penny Loafer of South Georgia Island, this is Stu, and we are commandeering this vessel.  I’ll ask you to kindly retire to your quarters. We’ll take it from here.”

The man laughed a big belly laugh.  “I’m sorry,” he said, “you two are misinformed.  This here is a museum vessel.  It doesn’t go anywhere!”

“Fiddle sticks, you daft excuse for a Captain!” Penny retorted. “Stu!  Undo the lines!  Ready the mainsail!”

“This ship doesn’t even have a rudder,” the man said.  “It’s just for show.  And I’m not a captain.  I’m a “Cap’n”.  Just Steve, really.  I teach history at the middle school. ”  Steve took Penny and Stu to the pilot room where they saw that the ship’s wheel was bolted tight so that little kids couldn’t spin it incessantly.

Soon, two elderly women from museum security walked gingerly onboard and took Penny and Stu to the exit.  Realizing that their plan to sail home for free had all been in vein, they left without a fight.

“That was our shot, Stu.”

“Whatever, man.  Just pound a Red Bull and let’s go.”

And the two left Mystic, Connecticut in search of their next curious adventure…

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